basta

So I think what's happening here, is that I'm tired and frustrated and a bit disillusioned about the dairy industry...disappointed that a small, quaint operation hasn't met my expectations, and irritated by what I see as a lack of organization and planning... There have been several times where I've felt like the goats haven't been the first priority...and they definitely don't make other animals on the farm a priority at all...and all of this has culminated in me having very little patience with and being hyper critical of all of their decisions.  At this point they could probably say the sky is blue and I'd cross my arms and glare (in my head).  So, yes. I need to get a grip and chill out.  I'm leaving in less than two weeks. The goats will be fine. And if they're not fine, I won't be here to know about it...not that there's anything I'd be able to do anyways...

I talked to the wacky lady employee today...she just got back from a trip and was gone the last couple days...and she's had goats for over 15 years.  I told her about the milk replacer thing and she told me that Mike and I were both right - Mike was right in that everyone uses it and the goats will probably be okay. I was right in that it's not the best thing for the kids, and if you use it according to the directions they will definitely get scours, which can be potentially serious, so you have to dilute it with almost twice as much water as what the directions ask for.  Neither Mike nor I knew that last part.  (Tho if it's even more diluted, doesn't that mean all the fats and vitamins they need are diluted as well?)  She also says that he'd be crazy to swap them onto milk replacer straight up - that I was right about needing to mix it, but we should do it even more slowly than I'd suggested...because any change in their diet will mess with their systems.  So part of me felt sheepish for making a big deal out of it, but also glad that I put up a fuss...since the extra time has revealed a compromise that will be far better for the kids.  They're almost definitely going to go on milk replacer at some point, but this way we can start easing them into it very slowly over a period of a week or two instead of overnight.  But I still feel like this would be better if they'd planned ahead so we could keep blending the goat and cow milk for the babies until they're sold or switched to solid feeds.

Also, I did not go lay down yesterday after the baby died. I started to, but knew my brain wouldn't stop. So I went and sat out in the barn to monitor the cuddle puddles and listened to an audio book...If a second layer of kids got too thick I'd go scoop them all off...If I heard someone crying I went to poke them.  I was out there for a couple hours before feeding and may have saved at least 4 kids from smothering. :P  I might get myself a cape...maybe even a mask.  ;)

And I feel the need to say some positive things about these guys.  Because they ARE good guys, and I've been pretty negative in most of these posts...generally because negative emotions make me feel the need to write more than happy ones... 

Mike wasn't happy with his job and wanted to make a change in his life, and unlike sooooooo many people in the same situation, he DID something about it...and started this cheese business with his partner, Ed.  They experimented with home cheesemaking first, came up with flavors and recipes...and built this business from scratch in just a few years.  They're really well known now in Santa Fe and Albuquerque, and their cheese is carried by tons of restaurants and grocery stores.  On my trip with Nick I was reading in the guide about restaurants in the area, and I think it was something like 4 out of the 10 restaurants they listed buy cheese from this dairy!  Pretty sweet.  They also were mentioned in Sunset magazine as a trend-setter for the region, featuring their cheese classes offered monthly throughout the spring and summer. They seem to be really well liked in the community, and have done a crazy-ton of work here to make this a comfortable place for them and their interns.  They've been really generous in taking me out to eat and buying me drinks...making sure I get time to wander around Santa Fe...and gave me a bonus after Hawaii and still paid me for the week I took off to AZ.  They want to be fair, and have tried to keep me as content as possible here.  Ed gives good hugs, and Mike is good at picking out my favorite beers now...  And a lot more of the goats have names than I originally thought - as mamas are giving birth they'll say, "Oh, that's Brownie...we got her 5 years ago....blahblahblah" with the story of how they got her, how she got her name, what kids she's had in the past and whether or not she's a good milker.  Michael is really good with the goats on a relationship level- he really is a softy, thought finances and staff situations force him to do things he wouldn't prefer to do...  I loved bottle feeding the babies with him because he was so gentle and talked to them like I do...Unfortunately he doesn't really have time to do it every day...and I think that's part of the disconnect - when you're running a business and it's growing, it seems you gradually get further and further away from why you started it in the first place.  That's been an important lesson in all of this - something to be aware of if/when I start an operation of my own...

Another unexpected realization is that I now don't have any doubts that I could run a farm.  I just have to figure out if it really is for sure what I want to do...and if so, then all the details of how to make it happen. 

Exciting.

:)