So I fell for this little doe...and then started having fantasies about finding a way to keep her in my life... I imagined bringing her to my next farm and spending evenings racing her in a pasture and cuddling with her on a porch swing (until she gets too big). Very Where the Red Fern Grows-esque...or My Friend Flicka-ish... or pick any other child-meets-mammal-and-falls-in-love story. Then I imagine myself on my farm in five years, with my Frida and maybe two or three of her daughters hanging out in the barn on a snowy morning all huddled down in fresh straw. The thing is, I didn't think it was really possible. So it was safe to think that I wanted all these things. And then I sent a half-way joking email to the next farm with a photo of Frida and myself with a little note asking if they'd like to add a nubian to their herd.
The first shock is that they write back and say it might be possible - though they don't need any more in their herd, they know someone with nubians who might be interested, or she could just stay there with me this year on the farm. The second shock was when I called my mother and she didn't instantly say "are you crazy?!?!". Instead I got a "wellllll...." and then asked some good questions...raised some good concerns...and then said it might be possible. Possible. So these two, plus Mike & Ed saying "Hell Yes, Take Her. Take TWO. Take THREE." all made me start wondering if it might actually be...an....option? Like...in reality...not just in my head.
So here's what I'm thinking...
Why this is insane and a really bad idea:
1. It affects way more people than just me: my friend and ride home, my dad (and ride to ames?), my folks in ames, my mom driving us to WI, the new farm, whoever takes her if I decide not to keep her...
2. That's a lot of car time for Frida and her doe companion...a lot of transition. And maybe that's not fair to ask of a four-soon-to-be-five week old doe-ling...
3. I'd be taking her away from all her little friends.
4. What if she doesn't like Wisconsin? What if she hates humidity and long winters?
5. What if she decides she doesn't even really like me and it turns out I was just the lady with the milk and she's actually a schmoozer?...
6. Financially, I'm about as stable as a 16 yr old boy.
7. If I really want a goat when I have money and land and...a steady income, I'll be able to get one. And I can take my time and find a really cool one (like Frida if I want) and only drive her across town.
Why this is possibly not quite as insane as I thought:
1. I adore her and she likes to sit on my lap and touch noses and chew on my hair and buttons.
2. I would sell my organs (or take a job at Walmart) to make sure she has what she needs....wait. maybe that makes this crazier? :/
3. Nobody I've told this possible plan to has outright said I'm crazy or looked at my cross-eyed.....soooo......
4. Maybe if she and her companion get big enough I can train them to pull a cart so that I won't ever need to buy a car....
5. If I take her and another doe it will make room for two more does to stay here on this dairy...so I'll know that at least 4 little does will be in good-enough homes, and might save two from being sold for meat...
6. As my sister said, this is, possibly, a huge commitment, but one that might change my life in a way that gives me more direction.
7. ...I love her.
If I take her and I keep her we will both be well. If I take her and I give her away to a good home, we will both be well. If I leave her here, we will both be well...after a relatively short period of grieving and possibly a while longer missing seeing her little face every day. But no matter what...we'll both be well.
Which kind of makes it harder.
I brought her into the hut this evening to see what she'd do. I told myself if she runs back out to the pen then she wants to stay, and if she comes and curls up in my lap then she wants to come with me. Yes, I do realize that I'm not a 10 yr old girl...and, yes, if I'd had a magic 8 ball I would have used it. But instead, she did what any kid plopped down in a new place would do: she sniffed around until she found a zipper...and then chewed on it. She was curious about things. She got on my lap temporarily, then showed far more interest in the yellow pillow next to me. I told her if I brought her with me I would make sure she had a yellow pillow.
I can't believe I tried to bribe a baby goat.
So she didn't have a clear answer either. When I put her back down in the pen she stood at the fence and wagged her tail and bleated at me. I can't tell if she was bleating for me or the yellow pillow...or the zipper.
Sigh... Let me know your thoughts.
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